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| I'm still in shock from everything. My heart feels numb and my face red and feverish from crying so much. Me and Chriz are no longer together. Nor do I think we'll ever get back together again. It was a lot of stupid and petty things that just added up to a fever pitch and within a flash it was all over. I say I do not regret anything, but my body betrays my words. My heart feels heavy and my chest hurts. When I'm alone I can't stop crying. When people ask me if I'm ok I lie and say I'm fine. I am not. My very soul misses his voice and touch. I feel like I will never feel the sun's warmth again and it will always be winter in my heart. He was the one and I let him go, now my love story will forever be incomplete.
I went by for the last time today to collect the little things I had there, and the way he looked at me when I came in hurt me so much. As if I was a stranger to him, some random person who just happen to be stopping by. I have never felt such displacement in my life and it took all the strength I had not to break down and cry right there. He doesn't love me or want me anymore, I have to face the consequences of my own actions and accept this. I had something wonderful and I crashed it into the ground. Now I'm sitting alone in my room crying to my laptop as I type this.
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| Happy Birthday Emily!!!I love yoou!! So does Christopher Walken!
 I hope you have a great birthday, even though I wont be there for most of it cuz I'm afraid of getting locked out... =( I hope you have fun and feel loved, because you are!! Very, very much so! You are the sweetest, most kind-hearted , self-less person I will probably ever have the honor of knowing. Thank you for being such a damn good friend when other people still treated you like shit. You deserve a million pounds of fluffy cuteness and love. I love you so much!!!
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| Hello my fellow Xangans! For all those who have been following my blogging (which i dont think is too many) I am moving! I'm no longer going to blog with xanga, I've had fun ranting and raving here!
I have created my own blog with WordPress and Badcrab.com.
I'm blogging and displaying my art there.
Thank you for everyone for your support and love! If you feel curious check out my artwork! | | |
| It's amazing how things can change so suddenly. One minute I'm a freshman in high school, the next I'm graduating college. Time certainly has been relentless with me, never ceasing or giving me a moment to catch my breath. I'm always shocked at how fast things happen. I have one more year left in college. I am more than ready to let out that big sigh of relief when I can proudly display my B.A. degree on my wall. I'd be the second person in two generations of my family to graduate from college, so this means something special to me. I worked very hard to put myself through college, and now I can finally reap the benefits.
I wonder where do I go from here, I've been looking for internships, part-time jobs. and the like, but nothing seems to fit my hectic schedule at the moment. Once I graduate, I'm most likely going to find a full-time job, save up enough so I can buy a nice little apartment or house, and get married to my long-time sweetheart. That's definitely my ideal for the future. Nothing too extravagant or expensive. I'm a simple girl, and all I want is a quiet simple life in New York. I know I'm already being unrealistic, as life has its ways of knotting itself into undoable twists and tangles, but can't a girl dream? Grad school is another possibility, but I'd rather not think about it after already spending 18 years of my life in school. Maybe later on when I'm more situated.
I look back and I can't help but be terribly grateful for all the friends I have and have had because without them my life would really be empty and boring. Also for those who taught me that hate is just a waste of perfectly good energy. (What am I talking about? I have no enemies! =D) I'm grateful for my family for always backing me up when I needed it and lastly I am grateful to my fiancé, who gives me the courage and the love to do things I never would have thought were possible.
I wake up every morning and thank whatever higher power there is watching over this small galaxy that I have a man who loves me as much as he does. He has been through a lot and yet he still has patience for my foolishness and rediculous optimism, he still tries to make me laugh, and most of all he still says "Cat, I love you so much" everyday. Whenever he really hugs me I just want to cry, because I'm just so happy to be in his arms.
I have never been loved so unconditionally before, I want to give him every part of my heart and soul in return for all the kindness and love he has ever given to me. Even after all the time we've been together he still gives me butterflies in my stomach and I still get shivers down my spine when he kisses me. I can honestly say I love this man, and I truly want to spend the rest of my life with him. I never thought pumpkin and Oldspice could be such a flawless combination.
P.S. I wear pumpkin lotion and Chriz wears Oldspice, so that's why it's titled the way it is.
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| So last week I went to Coney Island to celebrate Andy's birthday. (Happy birthday Andy!! =D) Despite the threat of rain we still managed to have some fun! We all dined on Nathan's. I haven't had a Nathan's hotdog in such a long long time. It was amazingly good. Mmmmmmmm~! After snacking we set up camp at the beach. Andy, being the brainiest of us all, brought beach blankets so we wouldn't get sand on our butts. Even though I wasn't really dressed for the beach I still ran around in the sand.
After much fun and frolick, we started building a sand castle. After the moat was destroyed we gave up and began digging to China. We said 'hi' to Daniel's relatives, then buried Emily in the reminants of the hole. Emily was so shocked, that she sprouted a fin and turned into a mermaid! We all danced around her in a circle, singing and smiling. Then we collected shells to adorn her beautiful new fin with, and we all cheered and took a picture!  | | |
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